Learn more about Mentoring

Neither the best-prepared parents nor the most well-meaning guardians can completely prepare a child for all that it needs to thrive in the community. “It takes a village to raise a child” is not a reference to social welfare, wherein only the “at risk” need apply. “It takes a village to raise a child” is an old phrase, from a lost time when families and friends lived closer together. The family and the village were the same. Children were monitored, scolded, and advised by neighbors and family alike. In doing so, children developed a strong sense of their surroundings, not only understanding the rules and nuances of their own household, but garnering a deep understanding of the community as a whole.

We live in a different time now, but children are the same; it still takes a village. With our closest relatives living hours or days away – friends, neighbors, and astute villagers are learning to fill the gap through mentoring.

The need for mentors is not always a sign of failed parenting. It certainly is not the case of Noah and Charlie. Most children need affirmation. They need to know that what we teach as parents has some bearing in reality outside of home – mentors do that in ways parents and teachers cannot.

Research shows that youth who participate in mentoring relationships experience a number of positive benefits. These benefits include better attendance and attitude toward school, less drug and alcohol use, improved social attitudes and relationships, more trusting relationships and better communication with parents.

Charlie and Noah have known each other for six years. They met while Charlie, a designer and local art teacher, was volunteering for Kids On The Hill, a community-based organization offering young people support, quality programs and an opportunity to make change in their community through art action projects and civic engagement.

“It’s not about just going to the movies, or the mentor making all the decisions about what we’re going to do. It’s about giving the child some control and allowing them to make decisions about how they want to spend time with you.”

Charlie points out that what started as mentoring has evolved into a friendship. He is now part of Noah’s extended family as Noah is a part of Charlie’s. “I’m not even comfortable with the term mentor any more – we’re friends.”

“You can always stick a check in the mail once or twice a year to your organization of choice, and there is a need for that, but I’m a firm believer in everyone doing their share in small ways… and for me, this is my way to give back.“

While age and experience certainly place Charlie in the advisory role, being a leader is quite different from being a dictator. The two contend that they learn from each other. Charlie is not teaching – but rather sharing – part of his life with Noah, and therefore, Noah has a better understanding of what it means to Charlie to live responsibly.

“He sees how I live my life, what I spend my money on, and who I decide to become friends with. I think every choice we make as people either helps in some way or hurts the community… I try to make choices that help in some small way.”

Noah and Charlie keep a diary of all the things they do together: cooking, sports, games, museums – you name it, they’ve done it. Noah’s favorite was the trip he and his family took with Charlie’s family to the Poconos.

Mentoring, like any form of leadership, comes down to legacy. What is it that you possess that you want another to have, use, make their own, and hopefully transmit to someone else?

“It’s hard to pick one thing … I would have to say, to be who you are and be comfortable and proud of who you are. To really think about the choices you make, and how they’re going to affect others, or bring something positive or negative into your life.”

According to Mentor, one of the nation’s leaders in mentor-focused research, out of approximately 17.6 million young people in the U.S. who could especially benefit from having a mentor, only 2.5 million were in formal, one-to-one mentoring relationships. That leaves over 15 million young people still waiting for a mentor.

44 million adults in the U.S. seriously consider mentoring. If one third of them move from thinking about it to actually mentoring, the mentoring gap would be closed. The primary reason prospective mentors give for not mentoring is lack of time.

“Certainly there are people who work two and three jobs just to make ends meet and have no time afterward, but come on – most of us have three hours a week.”

“We design our own lives.”